If Harry Was Intelligent
by Atashi Desu
Summary: Okay, so this is how some things in the books would go if Harry was actually intelligent. Or creative, I dunno. Those two coincide so much it's hard to tell 'em apart. Either way, read and review. Dunno how many chapters it's gonna be, just wait and see
1. The First Triwizard Challenge

_A.N. Alright, so this is an idea I had while reading Goblet of Fire, and seeing as how Harry didn't do actually do it, I figured I'd make him. Because this is fanfiction, and I HAVE THE POWER! Muahaha! (insane chuckles)_

_Disclaimer: My name is J.K. Rowling. I am a freaking brilliant person and a multi-majillionaire. Worship me. Oh, wait… I'm awake right now, aren't I? -sigh- Never mind, then._

**The First Triwizard Challenge**

Harry paced nervously around the tent, listening to the roars of the dragons and the cheers of the spectators. Then the cannon boom signifying his turn came. Walking out onto the field with shaking knees, he started to really panic. _What if I mess it up? What if it doesn't even work? What if the dragon kills me before I manage to do it? What—_

His frightened thought were cut short as the Hungarian Horntail spit fire at him. Harry jumped to the side, barely avoiding getting his arm burned off as the heat managed to burn a little of his flesh. Then, Harry raised his wand and swallowed, ready to take the plunge. Praying it would work, he uttered the incantation.

"Accio Golden Egg!" He yelled, putting all his will and might into the spell. The golden egg flew into his arms. There was stunned silence from everyone. Then Ludo Bagman's magnified voice spoke.

"Look at that" He yelled. "Will you look at that! Our youngest champion was the quickest to get his egg! Only 10 seconds!"

_A.N. Yeah, yeah, I know. "It's probably bewitched against that! It wouldn't work! Blah blah I'm a whiner and am just jealous I didn't think of it!" My friend already told me all this.(Okay, not the "whiner/jealous part… I made that part up.) The key is, our loverly JKR never _said _the egg was charmed, and if it was, that really wouldn't even make sense, because if they're expected to get it with wands, it would make no sense to make it so magic has no effect. So, yeah. Love? Hate? Review! -gives really bad subliminal messaging- RclickybluebuttonEsyouknowyouwannaVsogoaheadanddoitIplease?Ei'llbegandbribeyouwithcrackcookiesW._

_And Flames are muchly welcomed! –loves toasty warm fire-_


	2. The Second Triwizard Challenge

_A.N. Okay, so, second challenge. Fun! This one isn't as good as the first challenge, but what the heck, might as well do it, right? So read on, readers, read on!_

_Disclaimer 2.0: Nope… still awake, therefore still not JK Rowling, therefore _still_ not mine. -still sigh-_

**The Second Triwizard Challenge**

Harry ran down to the lake, gillyweed in his pocket just waiting to be eaten. _Late, late, I'm gonna be late! Of even miss the challenge altogether! _He thought as he ran. But, thankfully, he got there just in time. The look of relief on Hagrid's face was enough to make him very grateful that he hadn't missed it. He grinned, short of breath but there nonetheless. "I'm… here…" He panted. Percy acted like a prat, being all bossy and snobbish and I really don't feel like going into detail about him. He bugs me. Bagman stood up for him, though, but he bugs me too, so we're just skipping ahead to the Challenge.

"Well, all our champions are ready for the second task, which will start on my whistle." Bagman's booming voice told the spectators. "They have precisely one hour to recover what was taken from them. On the count of three, then. One… two… _three_!"

His whistle echoed shrilly in the cold air, and the stands erupted with cheers. Looking at the others, Harry noticed the advanced magic they were doing. Fleur and Cedric both had used Bubble-Head Charms, while Krum had gone with a more… peculiar approach transfiguring his head into a shark's. Harry sighed and raised his wand.

"Accio Ron!" He yelled. At first nothing happened, and he was afraid it hadn't worked. Then, his red-haired friend shot out of the water and landed on the ground at Harry's feet. Harry grinned. It may have been a bit repetitive, but really, what's the use of changing a good formula, anyway?

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_A.N. Well, the book did say (and I quote) "Ron quite liked the idea of using the Summoning Charm again" so you can't blame me for this one! It was Ron's idea! Don't believe me? Check it: American version, page 481, last paragraph, first sentence. And I'm not sure if Summoning Charms work on people, but this is my story, so I've decided it does. So :P_

_Anyhoo, review and tell me all your questions/comment/angry rantings. I'll pretend to give you crack cookies!_


	3. The Third Triwizard Challenge

_A.N. Okay, we're going on the assumption that Harry has done all the things in the previous chapters, so, yeah. And BTW, we _know_ that the Summoning Charm would have worked on the Triwizard Cup, seeing as how Harry actually did summon it to him in the graveyard. But, enough talking about all that junk. On with the.. er… disclaimer._

_Disclaimer the Third: I do not own Harry Potter. Or do I? -shifty eyes- No. I really don't. Which is quite sad, really. For me. Y'all are probably dancing with happiness at that little tidbit, though. -sigh-_

**The Third Triwizard Challenge**

Bagman boomed his voice all over the place. "Ladies and gentlemen, the third and final task of the Triwizard Tournament is about to begin! Let me remind you how the points currently stand! In first place with one hundred points—Mr. Harry Potter of Hogwarts School! Close behind him with eighty-five points—Mr. Cedric Diggory, also of Hogwarts School! Third place with eighty points—Mr. Viktor Krum of Durmstrang Institute! And in fourth place—Miss Fleur Delacour, of Beaxbatons Academy!"

Harry could just make out the Weasleys and Hermione cheering in the stands. He grinned, feeling more than ready for this task as well.

"And, before Mr. Potter even tries," Bagman added, looking at Harry with an amused twinkle in his eye. "The Triwizard Cup has been charmed. The Summoning Charm will not work on it." Harry's grin slid only a bit before getting just as bright again. He had been prepared for this, seeing as how Hermione had warned him they would probably do something like this, and made him come up with plans B, C and D as well. She had tried to get him to make plans E, F, and G, but Harry had refused after barely coming up with plan D (run around aimlessly until he found the cup), which, quite frankly, was a really bad plan. Plan C was little better, being that it was "Blast his way through the hedges." It was, however, very time consuming. So, he went with plan B.

Bagman counted to three and blew his whistle, and Harry ran into the maze. Then, raising his wand, he shouted the incantation he was now quite adept at. "Accio Firebolt!" He yelled, then waited for his beloved broomstick to just zoom right into his hand. And, of course, it did not fail him. He mounted the broomstick and, soaring high above the maze, flew right to the center, where he could see the Triwizard Cup glinting enticingly. He landed next to it easily and, a triumphant smile on his face, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around the shining handle after only fifteen second into the challenge.

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_A.N. Alright, so, yeah. I've decided that Accio never fails! Yay! I figured it makes more sense to do the Firebolt thing in this challenge than in the Dragon challenge, so that's what I made him do! -grins- I would totally rock in Harry's place._

_So, y'all know the drill. Give me reviews, be they flame or praise or constructive criticism, and I will be very happy and you will have my eternal happiness. -nods-_

_-cough-review-cough- -shifty eyes- _


	4. The Graveyard

_A.N. Alright, y'all, here's the next one. This is, of course, the Graveyard. Smart!Harry is waaayyy better in the graveyard than Harry, so, yeah._

_Disclaimer IV: Pshaw, of course I own Harry Potter. Mine:P Or JK Rowling's, whatever. –rolls eyes-_

**The Graveyard**

Harry felt his feet slam into the ground and he lost his balance, falling on his knees as the Triwizard Cup slipped out of his hand. He looked up as a cloak-shrouded figure approached through the headstones of the graveyard. What appeared to be something wrapped in a bundle of blankets was held in his arms like an infant.

Suddenly, without warning, his scar exploded with pain. He went down even farther, now on all fours. Voldemort was near. He had to get away before Voldemort killed him! Thinking hard, her tried to find a way out. Then, seeing the Triwizard Cup, he reacted instinctively and reached out, wrapping his fingers around the handle. He felt that familiar tug near his naval and found himself in the midst of swirling colours as he headed back to Hogwarts.

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_A.N. Okay, kinda short, but, yeah. I still don't see why Harry didn't just do this to begin with. I mean, seriously, if no one told him it was a Portkey and it brought them to a graveyard, it's obviously bad! Get out! Now!_

_I also feel the need to respond to an anonymous review I got from _sheer lunacy _telling me that this is not a fanfiction, but in fact a commentary. Although I love the review and am very glad the fic made you smile, I have to say it is a fanfiction. It is a collection of AU oneshots of how I think Harry should act. A fanfiction is a story about characters already created by someone else. That is what I have done here. I'm not trying to be rude or shoot your opinion down, but I honestly feel that I am writing a fanfiction, not a commentary. If anyone else out there has read this comment/response and would like to tell me your opinion, please, I would appreciate it._

_-cough- review -cough-_


	5. The DA

_A.N. Soo… if you read the last chapter, you would have seen that Harry thwarted Voldemort's rebirth again. Of course, instead of having him still be disembodied, I'm gonna say he found another enemy to steal the blood of. Either that or in this chapter, Harry didn't get away and Voldemort came back using his blood. You go ahead and make that decision. Same for any other chapter from now on that takes place after Goblet of Fire. Okay, on with the fic!_

_Nevermind, fic not here yet. It's the DISCLAIMER!!!: I don't own Harry Potter. JK Rowling does. I dunno, I guess she likes having an unintelligent hero?_

**The First DA Meeting**

Harry looked around at everyone gathered in the random hallway. Smiling, he cleared his throat and began to speak.

"All right, everyone. I'm sure you're wondering why we're in this seemingly random hallway? Okay, it is a random hallway, this is just where we're meeting to begin with. If you'll follow me, I'll take you to the actual place where we will be having our meetings."

He then turned around and started off down the hallway, not bothering to check and see if anyone was following. He had already set everything up in the perfect room, which included smuggling in books, cushions for when they started stunning, and cleaning out all the dust and junk that was already there.

"Harry?" Hermione asked, catching up and walking next to him. "Where are we even going?" He looked at her, then responded grinning.

"You know, I was wondering that myself. Dobby suggested some place called the Room of Requirements, and I was thinking of that, then I thought of the perfect place! You know where it is, Hermione." She just looked at him, not getting it. Sighing, Harry continued. "Think, Hermione, where is the one place in the entire castle where Umbridge can't follow us, no matter what? I've got it all set up, and I'll admit it was kinda creepy at first, but it's quite homey, now."

"I don't know, Harry! Just tell me!" Hermione said, impatient with Harry's ramblings.

"I don't have to." Harry replied. "We're here" He then led them into the second-floor girls' bathroom, where a large pipe was already open in a wall where a sink used to be. Moaning Myrtle peeked out of her stall and gave a small squeak of shock, seeing as how her bathroom had never been this occupied before. "Okay, everybody!" Harry said, turning to the group. "Hop on down!"

The group muttered a bit, but they went down anyway, followed by Hermione and Ron. Last of all, Harry went through, and as he slid himself in the chute, he hissed behind him, "_Close._" The opening opeyed, grinding shut as he raced down. He landed on the soft cushions he had put at the bottom of the chute and stood to face all the amazed students.

Grinning wide, he held his arms out and announced, with all the grandeur he could, "Welcome to the Chamber of Secrets!"

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_A.N. Yeah, see, I always wondered why no one ever thought to use the Chamber of Secrets again. I mean, seriously, where else can they go that Umbridge can't follow? And this way, no one else would be able to get in , either. Well, except Fawkes, but that doesn't really matter. And I'm sure Dobby could find a way, too, so he could still warn them. And even if he didn't, it's not like Umbridge'll burst in on them, and as long as he checks the Marauders Map before leaving, he won't get caught._

_Wow, I think this is the longest chapter yet! –claps- Yay me!_

_So, let's start the reviewing! Weee!_


	6. The Cave

_A.N. Yay! Another chapter! Woot! I've really run out of things to say in these ANs, haven't I? -sigh- So… this one starts off in the cave with the Horcrux, just after Dumbledore decides to drink it and makes Harry promise to make him no matter what._

_Disclaimer #6: Erm… run out of things to say here… other than… NOT MINE! -sob-_

**The Cave**

Before Harry could make any more protests, Dumbledore lowered his goblet into the potion. When the goblet was full tho the brim, Dumbledore lifted it to his mouth.

"Your good health, Harry.:

Suddenly, Harry's hand shot out and grabbed Dumbledore's wrist, causing a bit of the potion to slop over his sleeve. Dumbledore looked at him sternly through his half-moon glasses.

"Harry, you gave me your word."

"I know, but I've just had an thought. Why don't we try just dumping the potion on the ground?"

Dumbledore's eyebrows raised as he apparently pondered this over for a moment. Then he turned the goblet over and they watched as the emerald liquid splashed onto the rocks. Turning back to the basin, Dumbledore filled the goblet again and emptied it onto the rocks, then another goblet-full, and another. By the fifth, though, it had become quite apparent that it was having no affect on the contents of the basin whatsoever. Dumbledore nodded.

"As I thought. It must be drunk, then." He filled the goblet and once more brought it to his lips. And once more, Harry stopped him.

"Wait, Professor! _You _don't have to drink it." He said as he took the goblet from Dumbledore's hand.

"We've already been through this, Harry, you are not drinking this potion!"

"I wasn't talking about me." Harry grinned, then said loudly, "Kreacher, come here!"

There was a loud crack and suddenly Kreacher was in front of them, glaring malevolently at Harry.

"Master called?" Grinning all the more, Harry handed the goblet to Kreacher.

"Drink this."

And so Kreacher did, downing the contents of the gablet, all the while glaring reproachfully. They repeated this process as Kreacher's protests of "No! No! No! Won't! Won't! Won't!" grew louder and more numerous. Finally, the basin was ampty save for the locket, which Dumbledore scooped out and stowed away in his robes..

"Water!" Kreacher cried suddenly. Harry picked up the goblet and pointed his wand at it.

"_Aguamenti_!" He shouted and the goblet filled with water. But when he brought it to Kreacher's lips, the water vanished. Realizing it wasn't going to work, Harry scooped the crying Kreacher into his arms, and climbed into the boat with Dumbledore and set off across the lake.

"Come on, Professor!" Harry yelled as he jumped out of the boat and onto the bank. He ran to the cavern wall and, pricking his finger, gave the wall its payment. Running through the now-open wall and into the cavern, away from the charmed atmosphere of the island, he again pointed his wand at the goblet.

"_Aguamenti_!" the goblet was once again filled with the sparkling, clear water, and when he put it to Kreacher's mouth, it did not disappear as it trickled down his throat. Dumbledore came up behind Harry and smiled down at him.

"Well done, Harry. Well done."

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_A.N. So, this chapter has been dedicated to my biology teacher. She was very upset with me when she found out that I believed Dumbledore was a manipulative old coder who deserved to die, so I've decided to do a nice happy Alive!Dumbledore chapter for her. For you, Ms. Clark!_

_Also, the idea of pouring the water onto the rocks instead of drinking has been brought to me by _fanficfan1037_. Thank you! Although, thinking like Voldemort, it most likely wouldn't work, I think it is kinda stupid they didn't at least _try_ it first! _

_So, review (as always) and tell me whatcha think!_

_Also, I am always looking for stupid things Harry's done that I haven't seen yet, so go ahead and tell me if you've got one I haven't already specified on my profile. If I have any way of using it, I will!_


	7. The Flight of the Prince

_A.N. Yay! Another chapter! Okay, this one is running on the premise that Dumbledore was, in fact, weakened and killed… not in great condition and alive as of the last chapter… Alive!Dumbledore isn't nearly as cool… So, yeah. On with the writing!_

_The Seventh of Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. As if I could ever be creative enough to come up with the idea or the complicated storyline. Or patient enough to write it out if I did. So, obviously, it belongs to JKR._

**The Flight of the Prince**

"Out of here, quickly." said Snape.

He seized Malfoy by the scruff of the neck and forced him through the door ahead of the rest. Greyback and the squat brother and sister followed, and as they left Harry realized he could move again. He three the Invisibility Cloak aside and pointed his wand at the brutal-faced Death Eater.

"_Petrificus Totalus_!"

The Death Eater fell to the ground, rigid as a board, and Harry clambered over him and through the doorway. He burst into the dimly lit corridor at the bottom of the stair just in time to hear Snape's voice shout, "It's over, time to go!" as he was disappearing around a corner at the far end of the corridor.

"No!" Harry yelled. "They're getting away!" They'll escape through the Vanishing Cabinet!"

"Don't worry, Potter." Professor McGonagall told him as she ran toward one of the Death Eaters. "We've secured the Room of Requirements. _Take that_!" And she threw a curse at the Death Eater. Harry paused, thinking. So, they would escape through the front doors, and they already had a fairly big head start. Then, getting a brilliant idea, Harry turned and ran back up the stairs and back to the top of the tower. Then, he grabbed one of Rosmerta's brooms lying on the ground and launched himself into the sky.

Below, he could see the entrance to the school and, going into a steep drive, he streaked toward the ground. Dismounting next to the doors, he waited, wand poised, for Snape and Malfoy to arrive. Then, the doors burst open and Snape dragged Malfoy out onto the grass. Harry quickly thought _Levicorpus_, and Snape flew up in the air, suspended by his ankle. Smiling, Harry walked into his line of sight.

"Well, well, well, what have we here." Harry said. Snap glared.

"You would dare to use my own spells against me? Your father did, and look what happened to him! Don't you get it? I am the Half-Blood Prince!" He bellowed at Harry. Harry glared right back.

"_Petrificus Totalus_" He said simply, and Snape instantly went into a full-body lock, completely defenseless.

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_A.N. Yay! Brooms! Erm… as of this point, I don't exactly have any more ideas for chapters… but I am re-reading all the books, and I'm planning on taking note of every stupid thing. So, you never know what I'll find. I guarantee this will not be the end, though, because I'll obviously find more examples of stupidity. Any suggestions are always loved and cherished, too! _

_So… REVIEW!!!!!!!! Lest I set upon you my army -cough- herd -cough- of genetically-modified ninja wizard cows from outer space!!!!! Wooo!_


	8. Snape's Challenge

_A.N. Alright, so here's a new chapter! Yay! By the way, it's very difficult to find stupidity in the first book, seeing as how he hardly knows anything about the wizarding world, and he is only 11. So this is probably going to be the only one from Philosopher's Stone. This one takes place while attempting to get the stone, right after Hermione figured out which potion is which. Yep._

_Disclaimer Numero Ocho: I do not own Harry Potter. Because I suck that much. -sigh-_

**Snape's Challenge**

Hermione read the paper several times. Then she walked up and down the line, pointing and muttering to herself. At last, she clapped her hands.

"I've got it!" She exclaimed. "The smallest bottle will get us through the black flames, toward the Stone."

Harry looked at the tiny bottle.

"There's only enough in there for one of us. That's hardly one swallow!" He said.

They exchanged a look.

"So, only one of us can go forward." Hermione said. "You should. You're a much better wizard than me." Harry opened his mouth to protest, then thought better of it. This was his challenge, his enemy, and since only one could go forward, it might as well be him. Then, a thought came to him.

"Hermione, Snape's already gone through here… so, he already drank the potion. There can't be any left of it!" He said. "But, if there is, that means that it must refill. So, here's the deal. I'll drink it. If there's anything in there, I'll go through first. Then, you drink it again once it refills and follow me."

Harry grabbed the little bottle and downed the potion inside, then shuddered.

"It's like ice." He told Hermione. "Well, here I go. Follow as soon as you can, we'll face him together." Hermione nodded as Harry turned to the flickering black flames. He walked forward, bracing himself, but the flames licking his body didn't hurt at all. For a moment there was nothing but dark fire, then her was on the other side, in the last chamber.

He felt something bump into him, and Hermione rushed out. Then, they saw who was already there, and it wasn't Snape. It wasn't even Voldemort.

"Quirrel." Harry said, as he and Hermione both drew their wands to face him down.

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_A.N. so, there it is. Now Harry has some backup: a freaking brilliant witch! Yay! It's not as long as the last couple chapters, but meh, it's long enough. So, review! Tell me stuff! I'll go look for more stupidity! _

_And to the anonymous reviewer _Rav Rev_, who said: _

"The Sirius situation in third year.

The Sirius situation at the DOM.

The Chamber of Secrets when he talked to Riddle's spirit_."_

_… yes? And? What do you want me to do? Unfortunately, I am not an accomplished Legimens, and I don't know what you mean by this. What did he do wrong, and what should he have done? I need more specifics than what you have given me. Thank you._


	9. Not a Chapter

**Not a Chapter**

_Okay, here's the deal everyone. I have read through all the books again, and have read the reviews giving suggestions. And, although I have found stupidity and whatnot, I have not found anything that I can figure out how to actually put in a story. For example, BajaB's suggestion of carrying the Sneakoscope with him everywhere. Although it works good as a "duh!" thing, it would make a pretty boring chapter. "And Harry put the sneakoscope in his pocket and carried it with him everywhere. The end." Also, I am suddenly lacking in the ability to sit still long enough to actually think of and type up any new chapters. _

_So, in conclusion, I fear I must announce that this fanfiction looks to be pretty much finished. Of course, I still have one last book to read as soon as it comes out (after I'm done running to the store that very day), and seeing as how it's the last book ever, I will probably be able to find something in there. Thus, without further ado, I must apologize to any fans (which I never expected to get. Ever.) and say that, until the seventh book comes out and I find whatever's in there, this fic is finished._

_G'bye, dear readers. Y'all freaking rock! Special thanks to the faithful readers who have read, like, every chapter: _Gwinna, Silvermouth, Emi Notrek, Gomorrha, Kaitylen, _and the anonymous reviewers I'm assuming are the same person who uses names like_ No One in Particular_ and _Still No One_. If I missed anyone, that's because I'm attempting to do this by memory, which chooses to be really bad at random times._

_-gives everybody who has read any part of this story a crack cookie-_


	10. Not a Chapter version 21111111

**Not a Chapter version 2.1111111...**

_Well, sadly, I have to comfirm that yes, this fic is over. After reading the seventh book, I noticed that Harry inexplicably gained some intelligence since the end of the last book, and thus didn't do too many stupid things. Yeah, he did a few (he didn't turn into a super-genius, thank goodness), but those would be difficult to put into a fic (either it would make the most boring chapter EVER or he realized afterwards that it was stupid and should have done something else, and what fun is it to point out what he should have done if he already did it?). And although it took him long enough to figure out who RAB is (If you don't know yet, I'm about to reveal. So those of you who didn't pre-order your book and rush to get it as soon as you could convince your mother to take it then read it all day, forgetting to eat until somewhere around 10 PM, and finished it, you can skip to the next paragraph if you really, really want), I have to take into account that Harry doesn't have the fifth book in his hands to re-read as he pleases and say "Hmmm… We found a locket no one could open, 'Regulus ? Black'… coincidence? No, I think JK just didn't hide this one very well…" So, yeah._

_And so, unless one of you brilliant people can tell me a place I may have missed (my gosh, it was sad reading this one! I had nothing to correct with my pencil in the margins like in the others! Does JK just want me miserable? -sigh-), it is finished. Wow, that sounded kinda dramatic in my head, you know, saying it all deep-voiced movie-style, "It. Is. Finished!" So, yeah. Thank y'all for reading (again), and sorry if I got anyone excited for an update then disappointed you with a "nothing more". Love y'all cool people! If you haven't finished it yet, you can stop reading now, as I rant victoriously and possibly give away plot points._

_Booya! I would like to take this opportunity to say "Hell yes, I knew it!" Yup. Always said ol' Dumbles wasn't the big old brilliant perfect guy that was perfect. YEAH!!!! He is more than fallible, and I KNEW IT! Hehehe! And I KNEW where Snape's allegiances lay, and I never doubted it, and I FREAKING LOVE SEVERUS SNAPE! LOVE HIM LOVE HIM LOVE HIM! I cried when he died. Didn't cry over Dumbles, but Snape, yep! -sniffle- sad… And Kreacher? How brilliant was that! I mean, seriously, I may not have gotten it perfect, but hell, I got that Kreacher was indeed used in retrieving the locket! So yee-ah!_

_-cough- 'kay, I'm done. Yep. So, g'bye, all, 'unless (or is until?) I manage to get some other fanfic plotbunny attacking me and not leaving me alone, and you guys decide to read it._


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